The speech
Margaret, everyone,
there's a rule on our team that isn't written down anywhere, and yet everybody knows it: kettle first, then crisis. Margaret came up with it. And she never once stuck to it when things were actually on fire.
I'm Jamie, and I've been lucky enough to work with Margaret in customer service for the last nine years. When I joined, she already knew every extension in the building, half our customers by their first names and the trick for getting the old fax machine going again. If you have ever rung our main number and felt better afterwards, there is a good chance you were talking to Margaret.
Margaret has been with us for thirty-one years. In that time she has seen three office moves, four phone systems and, if I've counted correctly, seven managers. One of them is standing in front of you right now and is slightly nervous.
Anyone new to the team got two things from Margaret on their first day: a list of every extension number, and a sentence we can all still recite: ‘Whoever rings us has a problem. It only becomes ours if we leave it lying around.’
The story I want to tell today happened on a Friday in December 2019. Our biggest customer needed a replacement delivery by Monday, and the courier had cancelled. We sat in the office with no idea what to do. Margaret put on her coat, loaded the boxes into her estate car and drove off. By Saturday lunchtime she was at the customer's door.
When we asked her on Monday why she hadn't told anyone, she just said: ‘You all had enough on your plates.’
That's Margaret. She solves problems before anyone else has noticed they're problems, and she never makes a fuss about it. Most of the time the rest of us only found out afterwards, usually from a very grateful customer.
And then there's Gerald. For everyone from other departments: Gerald is the rubber plant by the window. Margaret brought him in as a cutting in 2003, and now he reaches the ceiling. She watered him, turned him towards the light and talked to him when she thought nobody was listening. We were listening. We did wonder whether Gerald would be retiring too. He's staying. He's got a few years to go before his pension.
Margaret, thank you. For your patience with every new starter, me included. For the tea fund, the only fund in this building that always adds up. And for showing us that good service isn't a line in the company values. It's an estate car full of boxes on a Saturday.
You've told us that in retirement you finally want to walk the Camino. So from all of us, here's a voucher for a pair of walking boots. A voucher, because none of us knows your shoe size. After thirty-one years. We're a little embarrassed about that.
We'll look after Gerald. That's a promise.
Please raise your mugs. To Margaret, and whatever comes next.
Why this speech works
- Appreciation, not a performance review: there are no figures and no projects. The speech shows Margaret in a single moment, and everyone knows who she is.
- In-jokes everyone can follow: the kettle rule and Gerald the rubber plant are explained in a sentence, so guests from other departments can laugh along.
- Humour at the speaker's expense: the nervous manager and the unknown shoe size make Jamie the punchline, not Margaret.
- The gift as a bridge: the handover follows from what Margaret plans to do next and leads into the ending.
- A callback at the end: Gerald returns just before the toast and turns an in-joke into a promise.
Last updated: 26 September 2026